the weirdest teen love stories

TALE OF TWO SISTERS

2011-12-11T02:52:00.000-08:00

Malti looked at herself in the mirror once again. She was not satisfied with the result. She hated the yellow metal and here she was wearing half a kilo of it. There was an ornament at every possible place. She remembered how her mom had freaked out when she had seen her piercing. She let out a sigh. Parents are so hypocritical and critical at the same time. Nothing which you enjoy doing can find approval with your parents. And nothing they approve of is interesting. Malti remembered the promises which her ex boyfriend had made. They all turned out to be lies. But there was one truth she had to accept. It was no longer college. Guys no longer lined outside her window. Now a beggar used to sit there. Whenever Malti passed he repeated his catch phrase ‘Aunty jee. Please give money to a hungry beggar.’ Aunty jee never gave him any. After being single for one whole year Malti didn’t said ‘No’ when her mom showed her a prospective groom picture. Malti neither said ‘yes’. But that silence was enough. Phone calls were made and the date was finalised within a week. Everyone feared that Malti would change her mind. The groom was an IITian and like all the IITian’s he was writing a novel. He emailed Malti the first chapter of his novel. Malti couldn’t even read after the first two lines. Her ex boyfriend was better at writing. He wrote love letters which ran several pages and Malti used to read them over and over again. He should have been a writer. But he was no IITian. Malti’s entire life was flashing before her eyes. That happens only two times in your life. The time when you get married and the time you die. Why did Aryan leave her? Malti still hadn’t found the answer to that question. They never had an official breakup. They just stopped talking. Having a proper closure is very essential to move on. Malti looked at the picture of her to be husband on her cell phone. He was an average guy. Malti had talked with him once on the mobile phone. He sounded like a virgin. Malti’s sixth sense always told her about the sexual history of a boy. It was like a God gift to her. The other gifts were fading with age. Why can’t a girl be single in her thirties? It was the last hour of Malti’s single life and like all the brides she was freaking out. “Arranged marriage is not a bad thing.” She said to herself. “My parent’s marriage was arranged. They are living happily till now.” Malti tried her best to convince herself that she was not jumping in a blind well.

She could feel hear her heartbeat. “Do all girls feel nervous when they get married?” She asked herself another question.

“What’s taking so long?” Her excited sister asked from outside. There is nothing as exciting as an Indian marriage. There are relatives you only see at marriages or funerals. At funerals there are a lot of constraints. Weddings are the perfect time to meet people. And flirt.

“Two minutes.’ Malti replied.

“Are you making Maggi in there?” The moment Malto said ‘two minutes’ she knew her sister would make a ‘Maggi’ joke.

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Malti said and pulled out a Cadbury Temptation from her purse. She was forced to fast as the other Indian brides. Malti could not stay hungry for long. She was not a foodoholic. On the contrary she was on a diet. She just couldn’t stay hungry. And since she was fasting that day she didn’t need to count the calories.

Malti’s cell started ringing. She hated to receive call in the bathroom. And the call interrupted her Cadbury fest. Malti hated being interrupted while eating. She gave an angry look at her cell phone and if she had a superpower she would have literally burned the caller to ashes who had dared to disturb her. The number which flashed on the mobile screen was unknown yet familiar. ‘Yes.’ She had deleted that number when she had broken up with Aryan. Should she take the call? She asked herself. The ringtone died. Malti was about to switch of her phone when it started ringing again. Malti felt as if she had a time bomb in her hand. She made her mind and received the call.

“Hello?” She said in a hurry. She also thanked God that she was in the bathroom when Aryan called her. Otherwise everyone would make a big fuss out of it.

“I need to tell you something.” Aryan said from the other end.

“I know what you are about to say. I know that you love me and you want me back. But it’s too late Aryan. I am marrying someone else.” It somehow comforted Malti that Aryan had called. She had cried herself to sleep yesterday because of his indifference. Malti had still got it. Was she making a mistake by marrying a geek?

“I just returned from the doctor.” Aryan said in a voice which is common to all people giving bad news. Malti didn’t noticed it.

“Listen I have to go.” Malti was already late and she could hear her mom shouting about something. She knew her mom was having an anxiety attack. She used to freak out while hosting kitty parties. This was her first daughter’s marriage. Malti felt sorry and happy for her mom at the same time.

“I have Aids. I think you should get yourself checked too before you marry and ruin an innocent person’s life.” Aryan dropped the bomb on her.

“What?”

“I am sorry.” Aryan said.

“You are sorry? You ruined my life.” Malti shouted.

“Is everything okay?” Her sister asked with concern from outside.

“Are you going to come out? Everyone is waiting for you.” She whispered again.

The call was disconnected. Malti collapsed on the ground. She didn’t care that the tears ruined her makeup. She didn’t care that her wedding dress was getting wrinkled. Her world was finished. There was a mild earthquake two days ago. She hoped that the earthquake struck again and killed only her and Aryan. ‘No. Aryan doesn’t deserve to die with me. He is a jerk. Let him be killed in a road accident. He drives recklessly too. That would not look suspicious at all.’ She made her pact with God.

“I am coming in.” Her sister Ananya said. Before Malti could say anything, Ananya was in. She saw Malti’s state and bolted the gate from inside.

“What the hell is going on?” Ananya sat on the ground with her.

“I think I have Aids.” Malti continued sobbing.

“What? Don’t be stupid.” Ananya wiped her tears.

“Aryan just called. He has Aids.”

“But you broke up with him eighteen months ago.”

“On 18^th June.” Malti sobbed.

“I didn’t ask the date.” Ananya said.

“Why should I do?” Malti asked her younger sister for advice.

“Listen. We will talk about this later. There are people waiting for you. Get ready. Wipe your tears. We will talk about this later.”

“Why not now? I can’t marry anyone without knowing that I am HIV negative or not.”

“I know you are right and I respect your feelings. But there is nothing we can do right now.”

“You are studying medicine. Can’t you do a home test on me?” Malti’ tears stopped for a second.

“No. I can’t.”

“But we can do pregnancy tests at home. I even brought a kit when I was dating Aryan. That thing really works.” Malti continued crying. She knew if she would stop crying Ananya would not take her seriously.

“Stop freaking out Malti. You will ruin the dress.”

“I will kill myself Ananya. I will commit suicide. I can’t give Aids to my husband as a wedding present.”

“Okay. I will get you checked.”

“Tell Daddy to postpone the wedding. I can’t make a decision until I get the test results.”Ananya had made a decision.

“Why the hell will I have to tell daddy? You tell him.” Ananya shrugged her shoulders.

“Have you forgotten everything I have done for you my little sister? Who made you laugh when you had your first periods? Who helped you do your homework? Who downloaded the Barbie movies for you?” Malti tried emotional blackmail.

“I hated the Barbie movies.”

“And you hated Shrek too?”

“Who hates Shrek?”

“That’s my point.” Malti said.

“What’s your point?” Ananya asked in a confused voice.

“I have been a good elder sister and have been there for you whenever you needed me. Now that I need you, how can you say no to me?” Malti knew she had proven her point.

“Don’t be silly. It takes five minutes for an Aids test. Let me get your blood sample. There is a lab down the road. The lab assistant has a crush on me. He waits half an hour daily on the road to say Good morning to me. I will get the result even before you can wash your face and come out of the bathroom.”

“I think I know him. He is so cute and adorable. Why don’t you go out with him? He is much better than the jerk you are dating.” Malti said in an elder sister voice.

“That lab assistant. He is an ogre. Why don’t you go out with him? Oh wait. You are getting married.”

“I am not getting married.”

“Give me five minutes. I will be back.”

“Where are you going?”

“To arrange for your Aids check up.”

“Thank you.”

{After five minutes}

“What’s that injection for?” Malti screamed.

“I need your blood sample.” Ananya said.

“Can’t you do it with semen?”

“Really? Semen? You want to do it or not?” Ananya brought the injection nearer.

“I had read somewhere that Aids spreads by exchange of bodily fluids. Can’t you take my spit or sweat as a sample?” Malti begged as if Ananya could change the medical laws for her.

“It won’t hurt. I promise. Why are you so afraid of the syringe? You are a big girl now. Close your eyes you won’t even feel it.”

“I am a big girl now. Don’t try to fool me. I know that the injection would hurt. And where is your lab assistant?”

“I couldn’t bring him in the bathroom. I will take your blood sample.” Ananya smiled.

“You? Really? Are you trying to kill me? I am not your lab mouse that you can experiment on me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever taken a blood sample before?”

“I have seen people take it.”

“You are a first year medical student. I won’t let you poke me with that thing. I can die.”

“I am the only choice you have got.”

“No. I can tell dad and he would get me checked in a hospital with real doctors.”

“Fine. Go and tell him.”

“I will.”

“Then go.”

“I am going.”

“You are still standing at the same spot.”

“Please don’t make it hurt.”

“What?”

“I believe in you. You are my younger sister. Take my blood sample.”

Ananya took the sample and was about to walk out of the room when Malti caught her shoulders.

“I am so proud of you. You will be a great doctor.”

“Thanks didi.” Ananya blushed.

“That injection didn’t hurt at all.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You are very good. When you become a real doctor try to find a cure for Aids.”

“I will. But don’t worry. You don’t have Aids.” Ananya convinced her.

“When will you return?”

“The earliest I can.”

Ananya opened the door. Her mom and some fat aunties were there.

“What were you two doing inside?” Her mom enquired.

And one of the aunties noticed the wrinkles in Malti’s wedding dress. Another one spotted a soap mark. They all freaked out.

“The priest is calling the bride.” A small girl came running and announced to cause panic to the already panicked crowd. It was the height of chaos. Malti’s mom fainted.

“We have very less time. Let’s see what we can do.” One of the fattest aunties took control of the situation. Malti signalled Ananya to sneak out and get the sample checked at the earliest.

“And where the hell are you leaving? It’s your sister marriage. At least give a hand.” One of the aunties shouted at Ananya who ignored her and ran out of the room.

“Look at these modern girls. They won’t listen to anyone. I bet there was some chakkar going on in the bathroom.” One of the aunties remarked. She just had found enough material for one month’s gossip.

“Thats why I never sent my daughter to college.” One of the other aunties remarked. Though she never got the appreciation from the crowd that she thought she deserved.

{At the mandap}

Malti was being dragged to the mandap. She tried to find Ananya but Ananya had not yet returned from the lab. Malti couldn’t hear her heartbeat. Has her heart stopped beating? Was she going to have a heart attack? At least that would be better than going through this.

“Is anything wrong beta?” Her future mother in law asked.

“Nothing?” Malti told a white lie. Even a blind I mean one eyed man could tell that something was disturbing her.

The priest began with the rituals.

“Where is Ananya?” Malti asked.

“She was here.” Her dad said. He was so preoccupied with the marriage proceedings that he hadn’t noticed that her younger daughter was not there. But who could blame him? Malti’s mother and Ananya were responsible for entertaining the women. If Ananya was not here she must have been somewhere else doing something of importance. A wedding is a team effort.

“Ananya is her younger sister.” One of the aunties explained it to Malti’s to-be mother in law.

“I can’t get married without Ananya. We had dreamed of this day since we were kids.” Malti had found the perfect excuse to buy some more time. For a moment she thought of telling about the Aids fiasco to her dad. But she was on mandap. The whole world would know. She decided to wait till Ananya came with the result. There was no point telling everyone of her past sins if she was HIV negative.

“Carry on beta. She will come ....”

“No. Mom. I won’t continue with the marriage ceremony until my younger sister is here.” Malti said in a strict voice. She knew it was her only chance.

“I had seen Ananya go out of the house.” One of the aunts said.

“Yeah. I saw Ananya didi walking down the road.” Another kid added to the information.

Malti’s heart sank. What if they find Ananya before she could get the result.

“Where did you saw Ananya? Can you take us there?” Ananya’s dad asked. The kid’s mother looker at her son as if he was a superhero destined to save the world.

“I can.” Said the kid as he finished his ice cream cone in hurry.

Malti’s dad and two other uncles followed the kid.

“Is everything Okay?” The IITian groom spoke for the first time.

“Yes. Everything is okay.” Malti said in an ‘I don’t want to talk with you right now’ voice.

“You love your younger sister very much. Don’t you?” The IITian continued talking. Obviously he hadn’t decoded Malti’s hidden message. Of course he was an IITian. He knew everything except communication skills.

“Yes. I love her.”

“I have a younger sister. I love her. You will like her too. She is very cute. Just like you.” The IITian flirted with his to be bride.

“I have talked with her on phone. She sounded nice.” Malti continued talking because she couldn’t think of anything else to do in that awkward moment. Seeing her talk with groom silenced many of the gossip mongers who were already betting whether Malti would run from the mandap or not.

“Do you want to go abroad?” The IITian asked without context.

“Why would you ask that?” Malti asked. It has always been her dream to go to Switzerland. All her favourite movies were shot in Switzerland.

“I have a job offer in France.” He announced proudly.

“I would love to live in Paris.” Malti changed her mind. Paris too was a good place. Certainly it was no Switzerland but it was Paris.

“Paris it is.” The IITian made the decision. The first joint decision as a married couple. The IITian didn’t knew that he had just won the heart of a beautiful Indian girl. Malti had fallen in love with him (or the idea of living in Paris). Malti’s doubts were cleared. She wanted to marry this IITian. She wanted to live in Paris. She wanted to be HIV negative. She prayed to God.

Malti felt the mobile phone vibrate in her hand. There was a SMS from Ananya. May be God hs heard her prayer. Malti prayed again and read the SMS.

“YOU ARE HIV NEGATIVE. HURRAY. I AM COMING IN FIVE MINUTES”

The world was a beautiful place again. Malti heard her heartbeat once again. She looked at the groom. He looked handsome. He was certainly good looking and he was a virgin. Malti thanked God.

“PARIS HERE I COME.”

Ananya came in after five minutes and the wedding ceremony resumed.

{One week later}

Ananya was going to her college. It was raining since morning and she was half an hour late.

“Good morning.” She heard a familiar voice from behind.

“Good morning.” She turned. She didn’t even know his name. He was all wet and the rain water was dripping down his body. He handed Ananya a piece of paper which he somehow had managed to keep dry.

“Here is the report of the blood sample you gave me. It is HIV negative.”

“Thank God. Thank you. What are you doing this evening?” Ananya said and caught his hand.

pen pain and pen

2010-10-19T04:38:00.000-07:00

(Ani is searching wildly for something. Rima is standing on a chair and getting restless with each passing second)

Rima : we will miss the movie. come on .. thats just a pen.

ani : wait for 345 more seconds.

rima: how much is that?

ani : OMG .i was right. girls are really no mads?

rima : no mads? i remember reading that in chemistry class.

ani: history class. and mads mean multiply add divide subtract.

rima : you cant find a pen in this pen.

ani : clever use of words.

(after half an hour)

rima : i cant believe you missed the movie for a damn pen.

ani : you still havent figured out how much is 245 seconds?

(a knock at the girl and enters a girl. she slaps Ani and throws a ring at him)

the new girl: i returned the ring. now when the hell are you are going to return the pen i gave you?

my girlfriend cant be pregnant

2010-10-19T04:18:00.001-07:00

SUNDAY. Short for Sleep Upto Noon day.

Ani wakes up and looks crushingly at the alarm clock.

“You were supposed to wake me up.” Said frustrated Ani while rubbing his eyes.

Within the next five minutes, he had brushed his teeth {one simple to and fro motion of his toothbrush}, picked up yesterdays clothes from the floor, and even found one of his socks.

Ani knew that he was already late and he rushed out. He locked the gate from outside...walked a few steps...returned...double checked the lock...and walked away satisfactorily.

The first thing in his mind was breakfast. He walked in the restaurant.

Ani was served ‘the usual.’

He had almost finished eating his breakfast when his mobile phone rang.

Ani idly looked at the number flashing on the screen. It was Tina. She would shout at me for being late. He said to himself. And let the call go unattended. As expected, Tina called again within seconds. He received the call this time.

“Hello.” He said with the last piece of omelette in his mouth.

“Eating?” A girl enquired from the other end.

“Omelette kind of makes me ask the eternal question. How do you like your eggs in morning?” Ani waited for the reply as that would tell him about the mood of Tina.

“I hate your crappy pick up lines. Why are you late?” That meant Tina was in a good mood. Otherwise she would have shouted at the question.

“The alarm clock which you gifted me didn’t work.” Ani tried to blame it on Tina.

“You have an alarm in your mobile phone.”

“Really? Let me check.”

“Where are you now?”

“Very near. I will be at place within fifteen minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes? I know you are at that cheesy restaurant. It will take you at least half an hour from there.” Tina said.

“It will take half an hour for ordinary people. I am Superman without the superpowers. I will be there soon.”

“Waiting.”

“So what was that you wanted to tell me?”

“I can’t tell you on phone. It’s a top secret.” Tina laughed.

“You want me to buy a bra. That’s a top secret.” The mention of the ‘bra’ in a restaurant caused some eyeballs to focus at Ani.

“Be here soon. Love you.”

Ani disconnected the phone. He was about to leave when a girl entered the restaurant. She was pregnant and to Ani’s delight, she sat at a talking distance. Ani waited for minutes to confirm that anyone was with her or not.

Ani {sounding anxious}: “Are you alone?”

The hot and pregnant girl: “Naah. My husband will soon be here.”

Ani: “How can he leave you alone in such a condition?”

The hot, pregnant and talkative girl: “He didn’t leave me alone. He had an important call to attend. You can’t use phone in a public place you know.”

Ani: “But how can he leave you unattended? What if your water broke?” All his knowledge of pregnancy was from seeing movies.

The hot, pregnant girl: “I am only six months pregnant.”

Ani: “Is it a boy or a girl?” By then the waiter had approached the table and the pregnant girl told him to come after some time.

The hot girl: “How can I know?”

Ani: “You are the only one who can know.”

The pregnant girl: “I don’t want to know.”

Ani: “There is one thing I can tell about your baby. He will have beautiful eyes just like yours.”

An awkward silence followed. With that Ani had officially run out of topics. After all, he had never tried to woo a pregnant girl.

Ani: “I think your husband freaked out and ran away.”

The hot, pregnant and vulnerable girl: “Why would he freak out?”

Ani:” Because...can’t you see? Responsibilities and blah blah blah.”

The vulnerable girl: “He is different.”

Ani: “Has he got an antenna on his head?”

The girl: “No.”

Ani: “Then he is not different. He is one of us.”

The vulnerable girl who had forgotten that she was talking with a stranger: “Would you freak out?”

Ani: “Why not? If I would have made you pregnant, your husband would have killed me.” Ani waited for some time to know the reaction of the girl. It was his tactics. His game.

The pregnant girl who for a second had forgotten that her husband may have abandoned her: “Huh.” The small huh gave Ani a lot more confidence. Obviously the girl didn’t mind the joke which implied that Ani had sex with her.

Ani: “Won’t you have anything?” Ani said while passing her the menu and brushing his fingers against hers while doing so. He pulled his chair nearer too.

The pregnant girl who just realised that a stranger is sitting with her: “Let him come.”

Ani: “Eat something. You can’t keep the baby hungry. He needs the proteins.”

The pregnant girl who was getting restless with each passing second now: “What’s taking him so long? The registrar’s office will close in an hour. How will we do our court marriage?” The girl’s voice pales down as she realises that she was left at the restaurant with nowhere to go. The father of her child had abandoned her and she had left her father’s house for him.

Ani realises that she is vulnerable and places his hand over hers and on finding no resistance grabs most part of her hand.

His other hand was about to come in motion when his mobile phone rang. It was Tina.

“Where the hell are you?” Tina said as Ani tried to keep the conversation short.

“I have an important work. Will come in the evening.” Ani said a white lie. Lust is colour blind.

“I have to talk with you about something really important.” Tina said slowly.

“What?” Ani couldn’t care less.

“I am pregnant.”

Nothing : Part 1

2010-05-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

Characters :
Shahid : A boy
Rani : Works at a chemist shop.

{Enters Shahid. Acts nervous when he sees a girl at the counter. Trys to turn but its almost too late}

Rani : "Can I help you Sir.."

Shahid : "No I had lost my way. Is this the ...the ...the Movie store?"

Rani : "Actually No.But my friends runs a movie store. What are you looking for"

Shahid : "Nothing."

Rani :"Good choice."

Shahid : "What?"

Rani: " What if you wished everyone - and everything - would just go away!"

Shahid: "What"

Rani : " Thats the tagline of the movie"

Shahid : " Which movie"

Rani : " You mean you too have came here to buy a condom?"

LOVE AT FIRST SITE

2008-11-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

{Ani & Soraya had met on a Social Networking Site and their’s was a love at first site. And here they finally meet: THE FIRST SIGHT : }

Ani : “ That’s all ??????? Is that you ? Where are the big boobies?”

Soraya : “ And you? Your profile says you have been with tonnes of women !!”

Ani : “ Yeah. The only woman I ever dated was so fat that she weighted 2 tonnes”

Soraya : “ Huh”

Ani : “And now my profile can proudly display that I have been with 5 tonnes of women.”

Soraya : “ I don’t weigh three tonnes”

Ani : “ What was I thinking?”

Soraya : “ Men are always thinking about sex.”

Ani : “ Not all men always think about sex”

Soraya : “ Yeah!! Some are impotent”

Ani : “So Miss IKNOWALLABOUTMEN.Your profile said that you were a porn star”

Soraya : “ And your profile said that you are planning to build a bar in space for astronauts?”

Ani : “ Yeah. Space Bar is the biggest key in keyboard.”

Soraya : “ The biggest liar……………”

BLAH BLAH BLAH

BLAH BLAH BLAH

BLAH BLAH BLAH

{in the end}

1: Soraya updated her profile. Now she is a tennis player.

2: Ani created a new profile. Now he is Anita : a lesbian who is only looking for girls.

MORAL OF THE NOT-QUITE-A-STORY:

ONLINE DATING = NIL + NO + e-DATING

8 perfect minutes to end a 18 years old life

2008-11-05T07:27:00.000-08:00

Characters:

Ani:

Tara :

{AT A CONCENTRATION CAMP:} by a concentration camp, I am not making any reference to any era in history or future……….. or any region or race or person. Just think about a barbaric situation. People waiting to die, people seeing people dieing.. …..
people knowing they will die within minutes for no fault of theirs.

Ani : “ You smell great”

Tara: “ What?”

Ani : “ I told you smell great”

Tara: “ I told what?”

Ani : “ None of us has bathed for a year and still you smell great”

Tara: “ ……………………….”

Ani : “ If we had met one week earlier ,you would have smelled even great….. say like the goddess of smell”

{A SECURITY GUARD PUSHES ANI AND SHOUTS : “ NO TALKING.JUST KEEP WALKING}

Ani : “ Walking keeps a man healthy. We are walking on the 500 metres path of death. By the time we will finish walking ,we would be lil healthy but you will shoot us ..we will die. But you will be healthy and keep walking and be more healthy”

{ THE SECURITY GUARD HITS HIM WITH GUN AND MOVES TOWARDS THE OTHER END OF LINE}

Tara: “ Ohhhhhhhh. Did that hurt”

Ani : “ No. But I hate the smell of blood “

Tara: “ Oh my God.you are bleeding.”

Ani : “ Yeah. I am practicing dying”

Tara: “ You are so young”

Ani : “ No. I am 18 years old”

Tara: “ You are younger than me. I am 18 and a half”

Ani : “ You have great boobies”

Tara: “ What?”

Ani : “ You didn’t knew that? Don’t you have a mirror at home! “

Tara: “ ………………..”

Ani : “ Keep walking”

Tara: “ Leave my hand”

Ani : “ You are the best thing I ever smelled”

{ SOME ONE SHOUTS : “FIRE” }

Tara: “ A……….n………….i…….”

when hairy met shila

2008-09-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

CHARACTERS:
*ANI
*SHILA
*LISA

{IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT}

Shila : " How are you feeling now?"

Ani : " I had a rough day....from laboratory to lavatory to laboratory to lavatory to mid way to lavatory.......GOD I hate food poisioning"

Shila : " Are you Okay now?"

Ani: " God...........I hate food poisioning"

Shila : " Yeah !!!!! I would never go back to that cafeteria again"

Ani : " Are'nt cafeteria and bacteria anagrams?"

Shila :" No."

Ani : " I hate food poisioning"

Shila : " Cant we talk about anything else?"

Ani : " You mean ani thing else?"

Shila : " No . I didnt meant Ani's thing"

Ani : " And did you saw that movie ' meangirls' "

Shila : " Yeah. And Lindsay Lohan is certainly not a lesbian in that movie"

Ani : " What ??? Are you kidding? Even the name of movie gives you a hint . Meangirls !! Doesnt it sounds like Men -girls"

Shila: " Why are you so obbessed with lesbians?"

Ani : " Hey LESBIANS = BLESS+ANI. Isnt it a great anagram"

Shila : "Cant we talk about anything else?"

Ani : " Why not! Here's a joke. If Nicole Kidman was a woman ,she would be called Nicole Kidwoman"

Shila: "She is a women"

Ani : " What !!! I always thought that Tom Cruise was gay."

Shila : "What ? Lesbians.....lesbians and now Gays?Whats wrong with you"

Ani : " Food poisioning"

Shila: "I meant whats wrong with you?"

Ani : " Food poisioning"

Shila : "How is your work going"

Ani : " Great"

{After a absurd silence of two minutes thirty two seconds, *am so accurate about time coz for these 2 minutes 32 seconds Ani was staring his watch and Shilpa was staring him}

Shilpa : "I dont know what I saw in you when I first saw you"

Ani : "But I know what I saw in you when I first saw you"

Shilpa : "What ?"

Ani : " Your boobs"

Shilpa : " I cant take it any longer"

Ani : "Me too. Lets get a room. There is a motel down there"

Shilpa : "That it. I am going now and you dont try to call me"

Ani : " I havent got your number"

Shilpa : "What????The first day we met I wrote my number on your hand."

Ani : "Yeah......But I was so sexicted after seeing your boobs that I tried to touch myself and that is how your number got erased"
***************

****************

{ AFTER 5 MINUTES.ANI WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN}

Ani : "Wow. You have a great ribcage"

Girl : " What?"

Ani : "Havent you ever heard of a rib cage?"

Girl :" Again what?"

Ani : "OK. Let me put it your way. You have great boobies"

Girl : "What ?"

Ani : "So what girl...WHATS your name?"

Girl :"LIsa."

Ani :" So Lisa is a LISABIAN?"

Lisa :"What ?"

Ani :" Havent you heard of lesbians before"

Lisa :" I wish I was deaf."

Ani :" You are not deaf but you are certainly like DUFF."

Lisa :" What?"

Ani :" HILary DUFf. Now dont tell me you havent heard of her before."

Lisa :" Whats wrong with you?"

Ani :"FOod poisioning."

Lisa :" Get out of my way."

Ani :" Will you like to see a movie with me?"

Lisa :" No"

Ani :"So...You like only Chick flicks,....Come on..I am not telling you to watch ESPN"

Lisa :"I LOVE ESPN"

Ani :" I LOVE ESPN is anagram for LOVE PENIS"

Lisa :"Dont make me kill you"

Ani :"Can I have the Kiss . That my last wish before dying."

Lisa :" Get out of my WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

Ani :" Are you breaking up with me?"

Lisa :"What?"

Ani :" If girls were mosquitoes i would be the worlds greatest mosquito repellant"

Lisa :"Why would girls be mosquitoes?"

Ani :" I meant MOSS-quito"

Lisa :"What "

Ani : " havent you heard of kate MOSS"

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And this is how Lisa and Shila ended to be lesbians.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU VOMIT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND ! PART 1

2008-08-30T10:15:00.001-07:00

CHARACTERS:
*ANI
*RANI

{at Rani's house}

Rani : " I cant still believe it. How could you vomit on me? I have never seen anything more disgusting."

Ani : " Have you ever seen an old woman vomiting through her nose?"

Rani : " At least she did'nt vomit on me."

Ani : " Am I the only one who ever vomited on my girlfriend?

Rani : " Yeah. The rest Mr. IVOMITONMYGIRLFRIEND died single"

Ani : " Everyone dies single. If you cant take your house with you...how can you take your girlfriend."

Rani : "..............."

Ani : " Things could have been worse............"

Rani : " Yeah.....!!!!!!!!!!! If the gastric content got in your respiratory tract you would be in hospital right now. But the bright part is then we would be still together"

Ani : " The bonds of love are too strong to be broken over silly things like vomiting."

Rani : " Which bonds of love? I think they drowned in your pool of vomit"

Ani : " Hey its not like I kissed another girl !"

Rani : "..............."

Ani : " Hey you know.............kissing a girl and vomiting on her are almost same. Both spoil her make-up"

Rani : " I feel sorry for the girl who will kiss you. WHAT IF YOU VOMIT ON HER...... I MEAN IN HER WHEN SHE IS KISSING YOU?"

Ani :"Why are you making it such a big deal?"

Rani : " Its a big deal"

Ani : In my defense.......... I had eaten your favorite pizza. So technically when I was vomiting on you.............................."

Rani : " Oh stop it. Every word you say reminds me of that...I want to forget it but cant.............."

Ani : " May be when you are 60 years old and You have alziemers and you are lost in a street and forgotten your way to home and yeah...also forgotten that I once vomited on you ...I will be standing in a corner with a blue umbrella"

Rani : "Bye. So meet you after 40 years.............and hey i just remembered you havent yet returned my blue umbrella. "

MORAL OF THE INCOMPLETE STORY : IF YOU VOMIT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU MAY HAVE TO GIVE HER UMBRELLA BACK"

NOTE : UNLIKE MOST OF MY STORIES...I HAVENT COMPLETED THIS ONE.
PART 2 WILL BE WRITTEN BY MY FRIENDS.

NOT ANOTHER TEEN STORY

2008-08-24T06:44:00.000-07:00

CHARACTERS :

1} Vandana : a 19 years old girl.

2} Rohan : Vandans's boyfriend.

3} Ani

{ Scene : Inside a multiplex! The movie is about to begin. Ani is relaxing at his seat . Enters Vandana and Rohan }

Rohan : " Whats so special about this movie? Why are we seeing it again ?"

Vandana : " Coz its a great movie. I love romantic movies."

Rohan : " Were you born in Rome?"

Vandana : " What ? Each year you forget my birthday and now you are suspecting that I am a foreigner "

Rohan : "No Silly ! Roman...romantic..........dont you get it?"

Vandana : " No"

{THEY BOTH SIT NEXT TO ANI}

Rohan : " How could'nt you not get it? It was such a great joke . I think you dont have a sense of humor ."

Vandana : " Yeah....i dont have a sense of humor ! and you know what else I dont have .........................................?"

Ani : " Big Boobs "

Vandana : " What?"

Ani : " I think I will get some popcorn. Do you want some ?"

{ANI WALKS AWAY}

Vandana : " Whats wrong with you ? Why did'nt you said ani thing to him ?"

Rohan : " What do you think ? That I am a Roman Gladiator ? and that i will kill everyone who dares to talk with you ?"

Vanadana : " You and your Roman jokes ."

Rohan : " It was not a joke .I was serious ."

{ANI RETURNS }

Ani : " Hey they have some problem ! The movie will start 10 minutes after the scheduled time "

Vandana : " This is shit ."

Ani : " Wow. She has a greaty sense of humor "

Rohan : " Thats funny ????????"

Ani : " Yeah. THIS is anagram for SHIT ."

Rohan : " ROME is anagram for MORE "

Ani : " What ? Do you want me to say that you are fuuny too?"

Rohan : " Vandana ! I will be back in a minute ."

Vandana : " Take your time "

{ROHAN WALKS AWAY AND THERE IS AN WAKWARD SILENCE FOR 1 MINUTE }

Ani : " Hi both of you "

Vandana : " I am alone here "

Ani : " I was talking to your boobs "

Vandana : " You cant talk to them. Their face has been tied with clothes ."

Ani : " You are the funniest girl I have ever seen ! LOLZZZZZZZZZ "

Vandana : " If you want you can talk with me !!"

Ani : " But i will prefer to set them free !"

Vandana : " Oh stop it."

Ani : " But I am a lil confused.Let me say I am confused like a naked man who is trying to keep his hands in his pocket"

Vandana : " If you want you can keep your hands in my pocket."

ani : " I am not naked "

Vandana : " So what are you confused about ?"

Ani : " How can that jerk be your boyfriend ? I GUESS THAT HE WAS A FROG AND YOU MET HIM IN A JUNGLE AND YOU KISSED HIM AND HE TURNED INTO SOMETHING UGLIER "

Vandana : " You are funny ! "

Ani : " If you would kiss me I would happy to be that frog ! "

Vandana : " { CRYING } Where were you for these 19 years ?"

Ani : " Waiting to meet you ."

Vandana : " But what about Rohan ? I will have to break up with him now.Can you do tell him ?"

Ani : " OKAY you wait here. I will tell him "

Vandana : " Be back soon. Now I cant live without you even for a second ."

ani : " You mean by the time I will be back you will be dead ? Can you give me one last kiss ?"

{ ANI FINDS ROHAN IN THE MENS ROOM }

Ani : " Here you are ! I looked for you all over the place ."

Rohan : " Did you looked in the colosseum "

Ani : " Oh my God. You are so funny ! They should have changed the word romantic to ROHANtic."

Rohan : " You really think so ?"

Ani : " Yeah !"

{AFTER 5 MINUTES }

Rohan : " I never thought I will say this but will you be my boyfriend. And please do me a favor ....Can you tell Vandana that I am breaking up with her !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

MORAL OF THE STORY : IF YOU ARE CUTE LIKE ANI , YOU CAN HAVE ANY GIRL. JUST BEWARE OF THEIR BOYFRIENDS.

INSTEAD OF BECOMING A GREENER PLACE THE WORLD IS NOW BECOMING A GAY-ER PLACE.

two girlfriends.....marriage and many strippers

2008-07-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

this is my first story:

ENJOY.

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At a beautiful beach in Delhi.Wait a nano-second........there is no beach in Delhi.So...lets say.....at a beautiful and quiet restaurant in Delhi.}

Ani : " If you were a girl,we would have four beautiful kids by now."

Anita : " I am a girl."

Ani : " Then where are our kids ?"

Anita : " This is not funny."

Ani : " I know."

Anita : "And four kids? I am only 20 years old. "

Ani : " I was talking about two twins.And hey you said that you are 16 years old."

Anita : " I am not 16. And when the hell I told you that I am 16 years old?"

Ani : " 4 years ago."

Anita : " I have to go."

Ani : " Bye."

Anita : "I told that I have to go."

Ani : " I told bye."

Anita : " To begin with, I dont know how to drive."

Ani : " You must not be ashamed of that. No girl knows that."

Anita : " And to end it, you brought me here and you are taking me back."

************
************

{Next day........same place, Ani and his friends minus Anita are there}

Aditya : " I cant believe it Ani. You are getting married and Anita ?????????????? You cant marry your best worst friend."

Abhi : " You guys suck."

Ani : " If things dont work out.....we would have nothing to lose. We fight all the time now and after marriage we would have license to fight."

Abhi : " Then congrats."

Ani : " I hate rats."

Abhi : " What?"

Aditya : " I personally think that Alpana was better."

Ani : " Yeah. She had bigger boobs."

Aditya : " I didnt meant that ."

Ani : " You mean that she didnt had big boobs"

Aditya : " I didnt meant that too."

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**************************

{At Ani's Bachelor party}

Aditya : " I am so exicted. I have never seen a stripper before."

Abhi : " I have seen one before and that makes me more exicted."

Ani : " I am getting married and why doesnt that excites me?"

Aditya : " I know you are confused. You cant chose between Alpana and Anita. But heyyyyyyy.............you last saw Alpana about 1 year ago. You dont even know what she is doing now."

Abhi : " Remember if Anita is an egg then Alpana is an ommelete.Either you have an egg or you have an ommelete. You can have only one for breakfast."

Ani : " I am not talking about break fast. I need someone for my whole life."

Aditya : " And with these new life saving drugs....you may live upto 150 years."

{A knock at the gate and enters the stripper}

Aditya : " You???????"

Abhi : " You???????????????????????"

ani : " Alpana ??????????????????????????????? "

Alpana : " Ani ???????????????????????????????????????????? "

Abhi : " You are a stripper now?"

Ani : " Where were you all these days ? And you dont need to do that ."

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{Same restaurant }

Aditya : " You were right Ani. She had really big boobs."

Ani : " You are talking about my ex girlfriend."

Aditya : " I am so sorry."

Ani : " What am I gonna do? Anita dumped me too."

Abhi : " I am so sorry for you."

Ani : " I am not crying. And heyyyyyyyyyyyy why are you rubbing that pink piece of cloth on my face."

Abhi : " Thats my hanky panky."

Aditya : "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

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{After 2 years }
{At Ani's Bachelor Party}
Ani : " Wow. Finally I am getting married."

Abhi : " And I am not gay anymore."

Aditya : " And we are not room partners any more."

{A knock at the gate and enters the stripper}

Abhi : "you??????????????????????"

Aditya : " YOU?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????"

Ani : "Anita ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? "

Anita : " Wow. My first day as a stripper and..............................."